How to believe in yourself

This is a post published by PumpUp member @coachmelissa. Check out her website at 

The truth is: If you do not believe in yourself, who will?

For a long time, my lack of confidence in myself limited and impinged upon several aspects of my life. I’m sure we all have this in common on different levels.

When I was young I used to doubt myself and begin sentences with, ” I can’t do this because….”. I didn’t stick to habits because I didn’t believe I had the discipline. I didn’t push past my comfort zone. I was always finding excuses to justify why ”I couldn’t do it” instead of finding reasons why I could do it!

All because I didn’t really believe I could.

I can honestly say that now, I believe in myself like never before. That doesn’t mean I think I’ll never fail or quit: I will, and often will. And that’s OK.

The trick is that I learned it’s completely fine to try and fail, to put yourself out there and not be perfect, to say hello to someone and have them not instantly love you, to create something and have people judge you. If you never try something new, something that will put you out of your comfort zone, you’ll never be able to grow.

Failure, not being perfect, mistakes, not having people agree with me, not being completely accepted: these are not negative things. They’re positive.

How is failure positive? It’s the only way we truly learn. For example: you can read a book on math, but until you try it and fail, you’ll never see where your lack of understanding is. The best way to learn something is to study it a bit, then try it, take practice tests, make mistakes, then learn some more. And repeat.

How are mistakes positive? They’re little pieces of feedback necessary to grow and learn.

How is being rejected positive? It means I’m growing beyond the absolutely socially acceptable realm. The best people in history were not socially acceptable: truth-tellers like Socrates, Jesus, Gandhi, Proudhon and Bakunin, Martin Luther King Jr., animal rights philosopher Peter Singer, unschooling pioneer John Holt, women’s rights activists, abolitionists, and many more.

These things we’re afraid of — they’re actually desirable. We need to learn to see them that way, and embrace them, letting go of the fear.

When we can get better at this — which takes a lot of practice — we can start to remove the things that hold us back.

How to change the way you think: It takes a lot of practice. First and foremost, you have to start thinking with these two powerful words: I CAN. Say it every morning when you get up in front of the mirror. Every time, you will face a difficulty make a promise to yourself to say ”I can do this…I can surpass this and I will”, every time you are working out and you have a hard time doing a certain exercise, instead of quitting, push yourself to make 2 more. Once you master your brain, you will be capable to achieve great things. Believe that you can and you will. Everything is possible when you believe you can. But it all starts with the choice of making these changes.

Never give up.
Chase your dreams until you make it. Whatever how much time it will get you there, fight for it, work for it!

Believe in your dreams and stand for your dreams. Even in the midst of difficult times…you need to maintain the confidence and conviction that YOU CAN achieve what you want.

Practice these steps

  • Start by reading books about personal development.
  • Push past your discomfort by growing how you manage discomfort
  • Put yourself out there, and be OK with not knowing if people will accept you.
  • Stick to a habit and never listen to negative self-doubt that normally holds you back. For every negative thought, find 5 positive things to say about the situation. Repeat these positive thoughts a few times.
  • Stick to it some more, and learn to trust yourself.
  • Go into situations not knowing, and learn to be OK with that.
  • Learn through repeated attempts that it’s OK to fail, that you can be OK in failure.
  • Learn through repeated experiments that you are stronger than you think, that you are more capable and more tolerant of discomfort than you think.

And in this practice, you will find yourself. And realize that you were great all along.
Never give up!